You gave us, the men in your life, the permission to cry. And we needed it. As a matter of fact, we still need it.
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I am grateful for all of my childhood friendships. Of the guys in the group, I was more emotional than most. I cried, and more often than not, the girls provided comfort and the guys heckled and laughed. I think the guys were kidding with me; most of us are still friends to this day.
One of those girls, Ally, was one of the coolest girls I knew growing up; tons of friends, varsity athlete, extremely bright. What guy wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who embodies awesomeness? During high school, I remember crying uncontrollably during the movie Rent. My father passed away from the AIDS virus, and until that point, I had not told anyone. Ally squeezed my hand for the rest of the movie when Angel is the hospital bed, dying from the disease. I felt safe and comfortable around her. I didn’t know what that moment meant to me until now. A few years later, Ally’s life changed forever – she was diagnosed with cancer.
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Fast forward to November 2011. I remember the day I found out. I was in Northern California, celebrating Thanksgiving with my family when the phone rang. I answered to my friend crying, trying to speåak the words that would next crush us on the other end of that call.
“Ally’s Dead.”
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Crying is physically and emotionally good for us, so why do some only do so in the wake of tragedy?
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Unfortunately, Ally lost her battle with cancer. Silence. Motionless. I held my mother as she sobbed, thinking, “Ally’s no longer sick and is in a better place.” I returned to my graduate studies in a daze, not knowing how to handle the passing of a close friend 3,000 miles away from the people who mattered most in that moment. I cried on and off for about a month, knowing she would not have any opportunities to experience major life milestones.
I have cried in times of stress, joy, and pain. Only a few resåonated with me the most: the passing of my best friend’s father (my closure for the death of my father), learning my mother had a brain tumor, and Ally’s death. Remembering those moments, one thought crosses my mind: Crying is physically and emotionally good for us, so why do some only do so in the wake of tragedy?
In 2014, we must teach our sons that holding your emotions in will only yield in negative consequences. We must teach them that crying in manly, and when someone tells them different, we must stand up and prove them wrong. We must teach them that being emotional is what helps us connect with and understand others.
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To all the men who are not able to show their emotions, Ally gives you permission to cry. There might be someone in your life who has given you permission to cry, and maybe your letter to them might look something like this:
Dear Ally,
I hope you are looking down from above on all of your friends and family and protecting us from whatever comes our way. We miss you every single day in every single way and hold you in our hearts. Your life was a celebration; I can only look back on our lives growing up with smile and a slight chuckle.
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We need to be told that tears are a sign of strength－indicators of resilience that can only help us grow and develop as we get older.
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Your freedom from your human form has also provided freedom to many others. Others who, when growing up, might have been told that “crying is for wimps,” or “you look like a girl when you cry.” Guys you knew who needed to show their emotions to get through the hard times in their lives. You gave us, the men in your life, the permission to cry. And we needed it. As a matter of fact, we still need it. Sometimes, life does not deal the hand we expect, and our emotions are either held inside or taken out by drinking too much, yelling at our friends, or abusing our partners.
We need a reminder that tears are no signs of weakness. We need to be told that tears are a sign of strength－indicators of resilience that can only help us grow and develop as we get older. Hopefully, we are in a place to share your gift with our children and tell them how you impacted our lives.
Thank you for your gift to us all.
Love always,
Danny
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The Allyson Whitney Foundation, raises money to improve the quality of life and to provide emotional support for patients battling rare cancers.
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The post Dear Ally, Thank You For Giving This Man Permission to Cry appeared first on The Good Men Project.